I just got a call from a caller ID of Hewlett Packard and a man with a heavy Indian accent claiming to be from Homeland Security.

He identified himself as officer “I’ve got a whiter name than you do.” At that point, I’m afraid I started laughing too hard to get to the part of the spiel where he tried to con me. In fact, he hung up on me after I said “Right, and I’m a virgin.”

Some folks are just too sensitive for their jobs.

In case you’re wondering, they initially get your name and phone number from places like the property tax rolls and the DMV. Then they sell the lists to whoever will pay. — And here you’ve been thinking that your unlisted number would protect you from scammers. Not as long as property taxes and, in a lot of places, voter registration records are public.

Here in southern Nevada, the tax people don’t even pretend to protect your privacy. And I’m certain that it’s like that in most of the country.

The worst part is that my Medicare provider asks the very questions that set off alarms. This is way too common because the information the doctors need to identify you is precisely the information scam artists would kill for.

Remember, even if you’re paranoid, they’re still out to get you.