People Watching #10 – La Generale

La Generale is from the south of Italy, Naples to be precise; and trust me, there are plenty of good reasons the rest of Italy is just a little afraid of them.

In spite of being five foot nuthin’ she can be incredibly intimidating. Something about growing up as the only girl in a family of five, and in a male dominated society to boot.

All of her brothers were at least twice her size (no big deal, I once had a dog that weighed more than she does). But they still called her “the general” because she’s always been the one to give orders and she doesn’t take shit from anybody. –That attitude is probably why she’s the toughest, most successful negotiator I’ve ever met.

Her only failing is that she’s always shooting from the hip. I once listened to her lecturing the girls. She started out with whatever you do never-ever do “A,” and five minutes later she ended with, whatever you do always do “A.”

I’ve known her for more than a decade, she’s always had a short fuse and her answers always come straight off the top of her head. So I tell the girls if she yells at them she’ll not only calm down in half an hour or so, she’ll probably forget that she was yelling. And if they ask her something and they don’t like the answer, they should wait fifteen or twenty minutes, then rephrase the question. They’re sure to get a different answer.

–Yep. That’s my boss.

People Watching #4 -BB

BB is addicted to surgeries and ink. This girl has had enough surgeries, boobs, butt, tummy tuck, lipo and so on, to have her own reality TV show. The bad part, aside from the scar tissue, is that she didn’t continue to diet or exercise so she gained back every pound they sucked out and then some.

As far as her ink goes she’s working on a sleeve but she’s only got the outline finished. -She can’t afford the rest and it’s pissing her off that two of our other girls have their bodies half covered with finished ink.

In addition to her personal problems, she’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier. She called here to have someone do a payment because she couldn’t reach her printers. This broken computer was caused by her going through the network instead of her local printers. God only knows where her stuff printed out. We know it’s somewhere within our network but we can’t begin to guess where. –I think I’ll make one of those lost puppy posters you see on phone poles only I’m offering a reward for the return of her contracts.

Then, while Mikey was up there, she complained that she couldn’t do her bookkeeping because we moved it. Once again it was on her machine and she was wandering aimlessly through the network. –She’s been in charge of that office for several years and doesn’t know where her books are??

After a little research, meaning, with an office full of women, I just mentioned what the problem was and waited for the gossip to get back to me. –I discovered that another employee has been covering for her by logging on via the remote desktop and doing the books.

Well, what can I say? I mentioned this to my boss’ and all they could say was; “You know how she is, she’s on an off/on switch.” (Ok, so how do we flip the switch back on?) “Besides she’s at our slowest office so how much damage can she do?”

The other IT guy and I have decided that neither of us is going all the way across town unless someone can prove to us that there’s something broken besides that loose nut between the back of the chair and the keyboard.

People Watching #2 – SB

Do you have an office “instigator?”

In an office full of women, our instigator, I’ll call her SB, stands head and shoulders above the competition.

She’s one of those people who spreads gossip but only after twisting it to do the greatest amount of damage. If she can’t find a nice juicy rumor to suit her mood she will make something up out of whole cloth and then look you in the eye and swear you said or did whatever lie she made up.

Her goal seems to be to break-up as many friendships as she can in the shortest possible time, while inserting herself in to the middle of the mess with the ever popular “I’m only telling you this because I’m your friend.”

My personal favorite is “somebody’s talking about you, but I can’t tell you who it is.”

In other words, if starting shit was an Olympic event this bitch would have to rent a storage unit for all her gold medals.

She does this while claiming to be a “good christian.” And I swear she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. –Can you say delusional?

I was looking for something amusing to say about her but there’s nothing amusing about anyone who’s just plain evil.

To sum up my feeling about this bitch; She’s completely heartless and if she got hit by a bus, I’d rush over and make sure the driver was ok.

–So it’s time for me to stop now.

People Watching #1 – DJ

I’ve decided to do a people watching series starting with some of the folks I work with.

None of this is supposed to be mean or a put down. It’s just that I’m highlighting their more interesting traits, and yes I will eventually turn the spotlight on myself. I’m just waiting for a fool.. I mean a volunteer who’ll give a fair but cold blooded edit of my notes.

I’ve known DJ for a bit over 10 years, she’s been with the company something like 20 years, with the increased responsibilities that sort of longevity brings.

DJ’s a sweetheart who goes out of her way to get along with everybody, and no matter what the job she always gives it her best. But ya know; she’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier so anything new presents a bit of a challenge and usually requires more than a bit of hand holding.

Now the fun part:
After you’ve known her a while you begin to notice that on her good days she’ll remember everything that happened 10 years ago with absolute clarity, just like it was yesterday. But the likelihood of her remembering what happened yesterday with the same clarity is a little problematic.
–Nope. I’m not joking.

She’s also prone to mood swings and can go from happy to bitch at the speed of light, then go right back to being happy like nothing ever happened. Or she can crash straight into serious melancholy with no advance warning.

Then, just when you start to adapt, her “happy days” hit. That’s when her hormones go completely wonky and all bets are off. Maybe she remembers what you said and maybe she’ll argue with you swearing you never told her anything. And sometimes even as you’re talking to her she’ll completely misunderstand your point and then swear you said something entirely different that what you actually said. –Which means you have to start over from the beginning, remembering to speak slowly and use small words.

Combine her selective hearing and her selective memory with her mood swings and you can understand why, as much as I enjoy her company, I’m eternally grateful that she’s somebody else’s problem.

On top of all that DJ’s only in her early forties, but she seems to be starting an early menopause, complete with hot flashes, which is a family trait.

Unfortunately another family trait is mild to extreme dementia. Evidently her grandmother started showing signs in her early fifties and her mother was even younger so there’s a good chance it’ll catch up with her fairly soon. This scares the living piss out of her and probably contributes to her current mental state. –She’s not alone. As much as we love her, the thought of her getting even twitchier isn’t doing much for the mental health of the rest of us either.